Sunday, August 22, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
I have commitment issues
To Everything.
To blogging. yoga. house-hunting. job-hunting. school-hunting. washing my hair regularly. . . You get the point.
So here we are at that crossroads. You know, the one where the wrong choice is really easy but really bad for your health and well-being while the right choice is really difficult and a genuine pain in the ass? Yep, that one. I can see the end result of two of three choices: First, nothing changes. I stay right where I am. Second, I end up burning up in my house at a ripe young age à la "Gilbert Grape." As you can see, neither of those are actual choices. The last option is the toughest; the most challenging and the most rewarding. I can't see where that path leads, much less ends. But I can feel myself being pulled in that direction. And the unknown, like being afraid of the dark at 26, is really scary. A friend just made a really tough decision, and I've always admired her strength and loyalty to herself. So if she can do the difficult, the unpleasant yet ultimately-rewarding-in-the-end, then so can I. I'm reminded often that my pity party is really just pitiful. I'm surrounded by friends that have real trials, real obstacles, and they aren't moping around feeling sorry for themselves. So why on Earth should I??
Training was going really well until I got back from Denver. Something happened after that and I haven't wanted to leave the house. Denver/Boulder felt like home as soon as the mountains came into view. It was really hard to leave. Really difficult to come back here. (Don't get me wrong, I'm here by choice.) Now I'm lucky to break even when weigh-in time come around in two weeks. Another choice to make. My internal go-getter has worn herself out with self-motivation. She's exhausted. She's almost given up. Trainer is really at his capacity with me. I don't blame him. I need to do this for me. Not for him. Or for the boys I'll see at camp in October. Or for the classmates I'll meet in December. But for me. But right now I don't feel worth it. And THAT has to change.
So I'll leave me with this bit of insight: Get off the couch, put on your big girl panties, and do what you know you need to do to make yourself a better person. Forget the rest of the equation, it will fall into place. Fix what is right in front of you, one broken piece at a time. And quit feeling sorry for yourself. You have no reason to pitiful.
To blogging. yoga. house-hunting. job-hunting. school-hunting. washing my hair regularly. . . You get the point.
So here we are at that crossroads. You know, the one where the wrong choice is really easy but really bad for your health and well-being while the right choice is really difficult and a genuine pain in the ass? Yep, that one. I can see the end result of two of three choices: First, nothing changes. I stay right where I am. Second, I end up burning up in my house at a ripe young age à la "Gilbert Grape." As you can see, neither of those are actual choices. The last option is the toughest; the most challenging and the most rewarding. I can't see where that path leads, much less ends. But I can feel myself being pulled in that direction. And the unknown, like being afraid of the dark at 26, is really scary. A friend just made a really tough decision, and I've always admired her strength and loyalty to herself. So if she can do the difficult, the unpleasant yet ultimately-rewarding-in-the-end, then so can I. I'm reminded often that my pity party is really just pitiful. I'm surrounded by friends that have real trials, real obstacles, and they aren't moping around feeling sorry for themselves. So why on Earth should I??
Training was going really well until I got back from Denver. Something happened after that and I haven't wanted to leave the house. Denver/Boulder felt like home as soon as the mountains came into view. It was really hard to leave. Really difficult to come back here. (Don't get me wrong, I'm here by choice.) Now I'm lucky to break even when weigh-in time come around in two weeks. Another choice to make. My internal go-getter has worn herself out with self-motivation. She's exhausted. She's almost given up. Trainer is really at his capacity with me. I don't blame him. I need to do this for me. Not for him. Or for the boys I'll see at camp in October. Or for the classmates I'll meet in December. But for me. But right now I don't feel worth it. And THAT has to change.
So I'll leave me with this bit of insight: Get off the couch, put on your big girl panties, and do what you know you need to do to make yourself a better person. Forget the rest of the equation, it will fall into place. Fix what is right in front of you, one broken piece at a time. And quit feeling sorry for yourself. You have no reason to pitiful.
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